burnt hand

Am fed up. My mother while making puris spilt some hot oil on her right palm. my immediate reaction was concern and i got her cold water to bathe her arm in and applied burnol on her hand. then i mopped up the floor which had oil on it and wiped the kitchen counter clean. I was getting angry by this time that she had as usual focussed on too many things to do in the morning rather than preparing breakfast knowing that me and father would be hungry by 8:30/ 9:00. hence the last minute hurry burry and the oil spilling. typical of her. idiot. am so upset i vowed never to come again to my mother's place and stay during the summer vacation. my mother can accomodate and please all her relatives but she has little time to spare for my father and his likes and dislikes. Am convinced that she cares the least for my father and only worries about her brood - her mother, brothers, uncles etc. anybody she can emotionally blackmail she is accomodating and pleasing to any extent and people like my father, myself, my father's relatives she shows the other indifferent side. i want to run away from her influence as far as possible and that's what i did in the last 6 months - only visiting her once. we stay only 5 hours away by road. my dilemma is that my 2.5 year old daughter is attached to my parents and she likes being here because unlike bangalore there are a ton of relatives who keep dropping into my mother's house which therefore gives her company. unlike my house where i keep strict boundaries with people. i feel very guilty about that that i cannot give her good company when she is at my place. i dont think the answer is to leave her at my mother's place as i said i dont think my mother is a good influence. the same things that have frustrated me about my mother may frustrate her too.

fine balance

Amma refused to have a second maid as extra help in her house. I, who had gone to stay at her place with my daughterfor the summer vacation wished otherwise. I remonstrated with her and it ended up in an emotional fight. i felt all shaken up and weak after this incident. it seems like the flight from thought to emotional outburst is exactly 1 minute for me. will it ever improve ? My tendency to hang at that perfect line of balance belies that life will always have such instances for me... am of that type. i may improve the veneer but the outburst will not take long to follow repeated thought patterns. are other people so finely tuned to their inner instruments. Is it a curse for me that am tuned so. do i see it as a big minus or celebrate.